Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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