You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
