Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
