im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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