He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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