As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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