..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
