I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
