NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
