and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
