I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
