he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
