four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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