the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
