you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
