my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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