You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
