I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
