epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
