so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
