I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im part way to drunk.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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