dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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