i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My cat gives me a boner
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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