I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
