great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
