After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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