Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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