She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
