she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
