I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
