she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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