If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
