I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
