I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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