how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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