I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
