It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
