Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
