we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
