thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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