i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
