i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
