Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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