I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
