he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
