Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
this hospital has no fireball
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
