Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
