OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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