For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
