Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
